The ceiling panels had arrived. The mood? Optimistic. The goal? Transform Wilko from “functional camper” to “rolling boutique hotel with attitude.” Easy, right?
Wrong.
📏 Measure Twice, Curse Thrice
We started with the noble task of cutting three acoustic panels to fit Victor’s roof. Sounds simple. It wasn’t. There was measuring. Re-measuring. Cardboard templates. Rejected cardboard templates. And a soundtrack of curse words that would make a pirate blush.
The van roof, it turns out, is not a rectangle. It’s a shape best described as “chaotic origami.”
🧍♀️ One Tall Task, One Short Paula
Installing the panels and light strips required:
- One pair of hands (mine)
- One short Paula (on tippy toes)
- One can of spray glue with a vendetta
Paula valiantly held the panels aloft, barely keeping them up while I glued, screwed, and wired like a caffeinated squirrel. Every time I reached for a tool, gravity tried to reclaim the ceiling. Every time Paula adjusted her stance, the panel shifted like it was trying to escape.
We were one step away from inventing a new yoga pose: “Desperate Ceiling Reach with Swearing.”
🧴 Spray Adhesive: The Hair Treatment Nobody Asked For
After two long days, we were covered in:
- Sweat
- Spray adhesive
- Regret
Every strand of hair had become a glue trap. My eyebrows were stuck to my fringe. Paula’s ponytail had developed structural integrity. We looked like we’d been attacked by a rogue arts-and-crafts cupboard.
But finally, gloriously, it was done.
💡 Lights On, Wilko Glows
We flicked the switch. Victor lit up like a luxury spaceship. Mood lighting. Ceiling panels. A vibe that said, “Yes, I camp—but I also host cocktail parties.”
Absolutely worth it.
🛋️ Next Up: Poshify the Cab
Now that the ceiling’s sorted, it’s time to finish the look:
- Proper seat covers (no more “mystery stain chic”)
- Steering wheel cover (preferably one that doesn’t smell like old socks)
- Front mats (because muddy trainers deserve a red carpet)
And then—the pièce de resistance—bull bars. Or as I call them: Wilko’s jawline enhancement. Add a light bar and he’ll look like he’s ready to star in a post-apocalyptic action film. Menacing. Majestic. Expensive.
So that’s for later. For now, Victor’s looking well posh. And we’re looking like we’ve just survived a glue-based war.