{"id":132,"date":"2025-10-22T15:09:33","date_gmt":"2025-10-22T15:09:33","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/ridesstridesandvibes.co.uk\/?page_id=132"},"modified":"2025-11-09T15:18:59","modified_gmt":"2025-11-09T15:18:59","slug":"%f0%9f%8f%83%e2%99%82%ef%b8%8f-the-tunnel-of-sweat-regret-and-cider","status":"publish","type":"page","link":"https:\/\/ridesstridesandvibes.co.uk\/?page_id=132","title":{"rendered":"\ud83c\udfc3\u200d\u2642\ufe0f The Tunnel of Sweat, Regret and Cider"},"content":{"rendered":"\n

There are many ways to spend a weekend. Some people relax. Some catch up on housework. Paula and I? We decided to run a half marathon through a couple of tunnels in 30-degree heat, like dehydrated badgers on a fitness mission.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

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\u2615 Saturday: Parkrun, Coffee, and Questionable Optimism<\/h2>\n\n\n\n

It started calmly, as most questionable decisions do\u2014with a gentle 5K at Tamar Lakes. I cruised it. Sensible. Controlled. Paula? Full beast mode. She tore round like someone had promised her a medal and a mojito at the finish line. I\u2019m starting to suspect she\u2019s powered by rocket fuel and revenge.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Post-run ritual: sweaty shuffle through the funnel, then coffee and chat with the other runners. Sacred. But we didn\u2019t linger\u2014madness awaited.<\/p>\n<\/div>\n\n\n\n

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\ud83d\ude90 Wilko Hits the Road<\/h2>\n\n\n\n

Armed with caffeine and questionable optimism, we loaded up Wilko and hit the road to Bath. Like all serious athletes, we stopped at the services for a Costa and a blank stare into the void.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

We headed to Lansdown Park & Ride\u2014the only one near Bath without height restrictions. Wilko is a beast, and low barriers are his nemesis. \u00a32.50 for the night. Bargain. We parked by a hedge and settled in like wild but oddly domesticated hobbits.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Paula whipped up dinner like a camp chef legend. I sorted the van: chairs swivelled, Wi-Fi on, telly rigged, blackout curtains installed. Pure luxury. Everything we needed in one metal box. Bliss.<\/p>\n<\/div>\n<\/div>\n\n\n\n

\u2600\ufe0f Sunday: The Race of Fire<\/h2>\n\n\n\n

We woke to a glorious morning full of pre-race nerves and fake enthusiasm. The race didn\u2019t start until 12:20pm\u2014a time clearly chosen by a sadist. We bussed into town, found the runners\u2019 village, and spent hours defending shade like territorial meerkats.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Then came the warm-up. In the blazing sun. While already overheating. Genius.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\ud83d\udd73\ufe0f Tunnel One: The Damp Fridge Hug<\/h2>\n\n\n\n

The first tunnel was short, dark, and cool. Like being hugged by a damp fridge. I never wanted to leave. But the sun was waiting outside like an angry ex.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Paula vanished instantly. I became a mobile sprinkler. My hydration vest was working overtime. I had sweat in places no one should.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\ud83d\udd73\ufe0f Tunnel Two: The Emotional Refuge<\/h2>\n\n\n\n

The second tunnel was long, glorious, peaceful. I considered setting up camp and finishing the race emotionally from there. But I was only four miles in. Social pressure is real.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Emerging from the tunnel, the sun felt even more brutal. My water pouch was shrinking. It was time for drastic action.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\ud83d\udc22 Industrial Grade Jeffing<\/h2>\n\n\n\n

Yes, I jeffed. Not just a little jeff. This was industrial grade jeffing. Pretty sure I walked more than I ran. But so did everyone else. The path was littered with runners auditioning for Les Mis.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

I saw a couple of collapsed runners. Checked they were breathing. Turns out they were just \u201cresting.\u201d Fair enough.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

At mile 10, my watch told me I\u2019d been going as long as it usually takes to finish a half marathon. And I still had a parkrun to go. Brilliant.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\ud83c\udfc1 Finish Line & Shared Misery<\/h2>\n\n\n\n

Eventually, somehow, I finished. Slowest half marathon of my life. A record\u2014just not the good kind. But I finished. In that heat, many didn\u2019t. That\u2019s a win.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Turns out Paula had only finished 25 minutes ahead, having also suffered. Misery loves company. We lay on the grass, comparing sweat levels and war stories. Then came the walk into town\u2014because of course the finish line was nowhere near the bus stop. Ice cream helped.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

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\ud83c\udf7b Bristol Bound<\/h2>\n\n\n\n

Back to Wilko. Packed up like heat-stroked snails. Headed to Bristol for showers, food, and family time with Paula\u2019s son Kai and partner Sarah. They welcomed two sunburnt medal-wearing messes with open arms.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Pub dinner. Pint of cider that tasted like liquid gold. Stories, laughs, and a film we never finished because we fell asleep on the sofa.<\/p>\n<\/div>\n\n\n\n

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\ud83c\udfa8 Monday: DIY Dreams & Burger Betrayal<\/h2>\n\n\n\n

Monday morning: Wickes run for paint and roofing panels to make Wilko truly ours. Final mission: McDonald\u2019s. I\u2019d been dreaming of that new burger since mile 8.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Sold out. Of course it was. Final insult. Sunburnt, sore, and burger-less.<\/p>\n<\/div>\n<\/div>\n\n\n\n

\ud83e\udde0 Moral of the Story<\/h2>\n\n\n\n
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  • Never trust the weather.<\/li>\n\n\n\n
  • Never trust McDonald\u2019s stock levels.<\/li>\n\n\n\n
  • Never underestimate the power of a good tunnel.<\/li>\n<\/ul>\n\n\n\n
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